Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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