I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Of course I have a pirate flag
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
