We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
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