Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
