when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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