After last night, I could never be a politician.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
