I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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