I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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