You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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