I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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