Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
