I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
