why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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