I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
