There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
