420 ftw
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
