when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am one with the molecules
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
