Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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