I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
