Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
