Will you blow on my dice?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
