i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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