Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
