am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
