We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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