He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
