Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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