The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
