Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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