Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
