Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
