if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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