I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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