where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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