is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
