my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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