brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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