did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
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If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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