She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
