I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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