Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize