I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
