I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
