i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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