If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
