miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
