Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
