Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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