A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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