if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
