Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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