somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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