Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
