Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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