This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
