after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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