weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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