I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
