Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
