this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
