she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
