I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
