she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
