do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
