Someone shit on the floor
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
