in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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