He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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