Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
