May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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