bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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