is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
